5 Ways To Make Your Dentist Suffer

Tell me that's not evil.

We all hate dentists. If you say you don't, you would be lying. Whether you hate dentists because one of them "accidentally" drilled a hole through your tongue  or you hate how, despite being a dentist, your dentist has NO TEETH, we all want them to suffer.

(If you are a dentist and you're reading this. PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!)

Below are the most innovative ways to make your local dentist feel you wrath:

Method 1: Onion Rings

Onion rings is code for any rancid smelling food. This includes, but is not limited to:

Spoiled milk (the clumpy kind is the BEST)

Mildewed cheese (The best way to go green)

Garlic smoothie (also keeps 'dem vampires away)

Dog food

Garbage

Sewer water

Grass

If you want to be REALLY efficient, I suggest you put all of my suggestions (and anything else you can think of) into a pot and make Stinky Stuff Soup.

Method 2: Scream

Every time your dentist gets near you, looks at you, smiles, sniffs you, scream at the top of your lungs. If he asks why, say: "For a moment...heh....I thought you were going to smash me up and make me into your 'special toothpaste' ", then scream again.

Method 3: Forget the Brush

For the entire month before your appointment, don't brush your teeth, don't look at your tooth-brush, don't even think about your toothbrush.

This won't hurt one bit...NOT! *evil laughter*

Method 4: Curious

Before you sit down, ask your dentist what each tool does that he's going to use, then ask him what would happen if you threw a drill at him. He'll probably respond with something stupid that he thinks is cute like: "Then it will hit me. haha". Throw the drill at him.

Method 5:  Snakey

This method only works if your dentist is a semi aquatic, egg laying mammal


of...dentistry  AKA a platypus. Put a rubber snake in your pocket, right when your dentist AKA platypus picks up the drill throw the rubber snake at him! He'll be so scared he'll drop the drill on his feet...It will hurt.

Think: if we all banded together we could make dentists suffer EVERYWHERE! But it starts with you...

Presenting...Boo Radley!

Today, I would like to talk about the wonderful and beautiful Boo Radley. I think he's the coolest thing since minced pears....and edible fedoras (BUY ME ONE FOR MY BIRTHDAY!).

No I don't mean this Boo Radley:

Though, he's pretty amazingsauce, he can't quite compare to this:

Say Hello to Boo Radley. LOOK HOW SHINY!

That's right. Say hello to my little friend. I finally got a MacBook, baby. He shall be called Boo Radley. Below is the top three reasons why Boo Radley amazing, but can't quite compare to my brand new friend, Boo Radley (confused, yet?):

1. Sure, Boo Radley has mad ninja skills, not to mention he's a socially awkward recluse (sound familiar? *cough*likeme*cough*), but can he last TEN HOURS on a single charge? The answer is no. Boo Radley needs TWO charges to last 10 hours. Boo Radley is also a robot...
2. Yeah, Boo Radley is a Robot Ninja, but can he read aloud an ENTIRE webpage? Can he recognize faces just by looking at PICTURES? No. No, he can not.
3. I made this picture on my Mac:

Don't you dare ask me about Boo Radley's pants.

CAN BOO RADLEY MAKE PICTURES!?!?!

Actually, I'm not sure. Let me go ask him.

BOO RADLEEEEYYY!!!!

5 Ways to Stay Unfocused

There are plenty of guides out there with tips on how to stay focused, but because my brain is upside down (it's a rare condition. IT'S NOT FUNNY), I'm going to do things a bit differently. If you do the opposite of everything in this post, you'll be the most focused person on the planet.*

Your status does NOT need to be updated twice a minute.
WE DON'T CARE IF YOU WANT A TACO!

1. SOCIAL NETWORKING

It really shouldn't be called "social networking", it should be called "social webweaving" or "web of iniquity". Social networking sites are designed to suck you in and trap you in a continuous cycle from one network to the other. You're on Twitter and your best friend tweets about her amazing trip to Italy and links to the pictures on facebook. You HAVE to check these pictures, of course, so you can run zit patrol and laugh in her face one you find one. You're laughing because "HAHAHA you were in Italy with a PUS FILLED MONSTROSITY ON YOUR FACE. Italy wasn't so great after all!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? *sob*"

Oh? That's just me? Er... never mind.

2. RESTLESS EATING

Don't you DARE try to pretend you don't know what I'm talking about. When you roam from fridge to pantry to freezer and back again, nibbling on food but never actually decided on what you WANT. This is a wonderful way to procrastinate. If any one asks you what you're doing you can get all hysterical and scream "DO YOU WANT ME TO STARVE?!?! WHAT? DO YOU THINK I'M FAT?" Also, this is a great way to actually get fat. You never really know how much you've eaten, what you've eaten, or how TWO Oreos could be an entire serving. There has to be a misprint.

3. MULTITASK

Look, despite what your parents, teachers, or imaginary friends might have told you, you aren't SUPERAMAZINGPERSON/RADIOACTIVECYBORG. You can't multi-task.  But don't take my word for it, try it for yourself! Try writing that english paper AND doing your calculus simultaneously.No, seriously. Do it. See what happens.

4. DAYDREAM

Some of you have no clue how to daydream properly. You actually have to prepare for this if you want to do it correctly. You have to have a plot for you dream and main and supporting characters. There must be radioactive turkeys or you're NOT DOING IT RIGHT! ( Don't try to tell me this is optional. IT ISN'T!)

5. DOODLE

Don't take notes during class. Instead draw funny pictures!! Look at the squirrel I drew during my statistics lecture!

Ain't it PURDY?????????

*I lied. You won't be the most focused person on the planet because everyone knows Chuck Norris is the most focused person on the planet. He's so focused, he can be surrounded by the entire cast of The Jersey Shore and STILL get his homework done...in five minutes.

Three Words I Never Thought I'd Say

There are three words I was sure I would never say, but the beginning of the school year somehow coaxed these words from lips:

I. Need. Coffee.



Of course, in my mind I'm thinking:"Coffee is never the answer! You're already short enough as it is!"

I'm not sure where the words came from. I went to bed at a decent time the night before. I got a full 9 hours of sleep; more than enough for me.  And yet, I almost fell asleep on a lecture.


Anyway...

So last week was the first week of school, hence the lack of posting.   If I said that school is sucking my soul dry, I'd be lying.School is rad! It's more amazing than anything I could have possibly dreamt of. (And yes, I've been dreaming about school since February.) I love my professors and my peers and the nonexistent smells.

Billy is halfway functioning. It's really weird how I don't miss him at ALL.  It doesn't bother me that he's water damaged and will never be the same again. And I'm glad it doesn't bother me. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm too attached to my electronics...(Do not bring up the fact that I name them. I name everything! Remember Jimbob? Don't look at me like that!)

If you're wondering whether this post had any sort of point, it didn't. It was mediocre word vomit. I know you're accustomed to my almost-genius word vomit, but I hope you enjoyed this. I also hope you're not disappointed that I didn't post something awesome about how to go back to school in style...Instead, you got this luke-warm update about my boring life.

Don't worry, next post is about what NOT to do when you can't focus in class.  It'll be inexplicably rad. Pinky-promise.

A Very Potter Sequel (Fusion Friday)

For those of you not familiar with the wildly successful fan-created musical, A Very Potter Musical....now you are. (And really, where have you been?)  If you haven't seen it, this post may not make sense. Click here to watch it. It will take a good 3 hours out of your day...6 if you watch the sequel. Once you start, you can't stop. So, if you have something important to do, you should NOT start watching now.

WARNING: May contain spoilers. Probably won't, but I can't promise anything.

I'm not going to pretend I'm some die-hard starkidpotter fan. I'm not. I JUST watched A Very Potter Musical about a week ago and then I found out there was a sequel and peed my diaper *cough* I mean I watched it.

This is kind of a review...kind of an analysis...kind of a rant. You know me...

So, first off, I found it highly ironic that even though the sequel takes place a year before the original, it's loads more crude.

I liked the first one better. I'm more of a fan of situational humor rather than humor that makes a bunch of pop-culture references. Not to say that there wasn't plenty to laugh at in the sequel, but the first one was more suited to my taste. The sequel is more extreme--more outrageous.Sometimes it's a good thing, but most of the time it's not.

And just for the record, I like Joe Walker's Voldy TONS more than I like his Umbridge.  Joe Walker's performance as Voldemort really can't topped. Umbridge just kind of annoyed me.

The music was more mature (in a good way). Darren Criss' songwriting skills have really developed and it shows in his evolved lyrics and composition.  My favorite song? Hermione Can't Draw. It touched me on a deep, personal level. I also can't draw...not even if I'm reading a how-to-draw book.

Everything from the AVMP that made you go, "huh" is perfectly explained in AVPS. And it really brings everything full circle.

There was plenty to laugh at and plenty to cringe at. I wouldn't recommend this musical to anyone under the age of 13 due to strong language and mature themes.

There's really nothing more to say except...

Over 600 house elves die in toilet related incidents every year. 

Spread the word.  With your help the potty can be a better place for the elves.