[Celebrity Quote] Whispered Demands

"I think every woman does want to be objectified. There's a little part of you at all times that hopes to be somewhat objectified, and I think it's healthy." - Cameron Diaz 

Pay attention to me. Worship me. Love me. 

These are the whispered demands of an insecure woman. A woman who doesn't know her worth. A woman who believes the only way to obtain her worth is to take it. 

Sexualize me. 

This is the demand of a healthy woman. A woman who knows she has sex appeal and isn't afraid to invite others to the party. At least, that's what we're led to believe--led like a blind, domesticated animal to the altar. But wait. Do we allow ourselves to be tamed, caged by bars of insecurity? Do we readily offer up a sacrifice that will leave us with nothing? Because if we're so sure about who we are, why do we need someone to confirm what we already know? There must be some inkling of black doubt clouding our minds. Maybe we don't burn as hot as we think we do. Maybe no one else sees what we see. 

Maybe we see what we want to see. 

See me.

Alive. I'd rather be alive than inanimate. Maintaining my freedom eclipses hot sex and a cold heart. I long for more. I don't want to be sexualized. I don't want to be some menu item at the drive through of conquest. The thrill may be intoxicating. The power that comes with breaking someone’s will to resist temptation may overwhelm. And maybe it’s fun for a little while. Maybe it provides that much needed boost to the self-esteem, but to have a man drool over me like a full course meal is nothing special. I want to be loved.

Romeo objectified Juliet. Their “love” story was a really a story of epic lust and Scarlet O’Hara loved no one but herself. People are confused about love. They have been since the beginning of time. Magic, sorcery, voodoo, lust. Love is none of these. And every woman wants to be loved, but somewhere along the way they were tricked. Tricked into believing that the best they can do is objectification. Tricked into believing they’ll only amount to a good time in the bedroom Still, the whispered demands grow louder.

Adore me.

But I won’t join the desperate murmurings. Remember, I’m an individualist. If every woman wants to be objectified, then I am not every woman. This is not a hostage situation and I won’t demand my worth. I’ll own it. It’s already mine. 

Hi, I'm lost

Hi. I'm Nicole. I'm alive. I'm mostly human. I'm seventeen and my current residence is the Twilight Zone.  I've lived here for quite some time now. I'm not really sure how I came to reside here in this world that makes no sense, but I'm here. I've accepted the fact that I'm not normal. It's cool. I'm used to the weird stares, the words of judgement and the whispers behind closed doors.

What I'm not used to is being happy with who I am. Truly happy. It's not normal for a teenager to be sure of who they are and what they want, but I know.

What I want might change and who I am might waver-- it wouldn't be first time. I look in the mirror and I look the same, but sometimes I don't recognize the look in my eyes. It's a good feeling though--realizing that I've changed from the awkward fourteen year old with super short and fluffy hair to the awkward seventeen year old with the slightly longer, slightly less fluffy hair. Slightly. It's a great feeling to realize the way I am now is not the way I'll be forever. I'm excited about who I'm becoming. When I finally emerge from my cocoon I'll be just as surprised as you are.

There are people here who live with me in the Twilight Zone. Some of those people tell me how I should think or what I should do. They tell me I should consider applying to state schools because the "educational value is the same as the ivy leagues." They tell me what's acceptable for a good Christian girl and what isn't. Who I am...who I'm not. What I'm capable of. But I hate boxes and squares and I hate cubes too. Geometry and I have never gotten along.

Don't misunderstand; I may be scandalous, but I don't hate rules. There's a place for uniformity in the Twilight Zone, but there's no place for uniformity in art. Order? Okay, sure. After all, chaos can't be balanced with more chaos, but uniformity in my art? You won't find any.

I'm an individualist, but I believe unity is the only way to change the world. I'm a bit of paradox, but artists always are.

The people who live with me in the Twilight are diverse. For every person who tries to box me in, who tries to rein me in and wash me out, there is someone who tells me I am more.  There is someone who pushes me, challenges me, sharpens me. I'm not limitless, but my limits have not been reached. So I stretch my arms wide, searching for what I can't yet see. Laughing, crying, running, hoping, and never stopping.

I'm Nicole. I'm a teenager, but I'm not a young adult. I'm lost and this lostness is the best feeling I've experienced in all my seventeen years. It's nice to meet you too.



 *****New name, new format. I'm trying something new. It's a whole new direction for this blog and I'm excited to see where it goes. I hope you'll stick with me. 

-N