Bloggers With Strong Pinkie Fingers: Dan Bergstien

In late 2007, the inner depths of my mind were violated by a series entitled,  Romantic Fantasies of a Certain Lady that Make Certain People Want to Cut out Their Eyes with a Plastic Spoon, commonly referred to as the Twilight Saga. In a retaliation of some sort, I became obsessed with most things that criticized or mocked the series. In fact, my first ever post on this blog was about Twilight. Approximately two years later, the book still haunted me, but I'd moved on...sorta. I was on SparkNotes, one fateful evening and a particular article caught my attention. A little something called Blogging Twilight.  It's now my favorite part of Thursday.

Meet Dan Bergstein, the mastermind behind Blogging Twilight on Sparknotes and the winner of the first ever "Bloggers with Strong Pinkie Fingers" award here on this blog. Congrats, Dan. As amazing as Blogging Twilight is, Mr. Bergstein is winning this award for his very own piece of the web: Laser Farm. Laser Farm is about...something. There is creative writing and disturbing Lego Advent Calenders. I'm not completely sure, but there are amazing pictures and it never fails to make me snortle (snort and chortle). If I were to sum up Laser Farm, I would say it's the makings of an epic blog beyond words or genres.

Dan was so kind to spare a little time for an interview. It was a little bit strange and a whole lot of awesome, but don't take my word for it (I'm not very trustworthy), see for yourself:

Q: I know I'm not supposed to ask, but my curiosity is killing me. Where did the name "laser farm" originate?
A: It was the only name left in the entire world. All other names have been taken. Well, I could have used Duck Rocket, but that sounds like something lewd.

Q: Quick! In one word, describe Twilight.
A: You didn't say please. Stop being so bossy!

Q: What was the first blog post you ever blogged? What was it about?
A: For SparkNotes? Hmmm…I think it was about the show LOST. It got 5 comments and I felt like a king.

Q: What's your favorite organ?
A: The heart…of a pterodactyl.

Q: Your novella was pretty amazing. Are there any plans for an epic novel in the works?
A: I have a few things kicking around...[Evil Grin]

Q: Wombats or Capybaras? Why?
A: Wombats, because they taste less spicy.

Q: What's your writing process? Do you do anything special before you write your blog posts?
A: I don't have any sort of process, though I never wear shoes when I write. Never. That's a bit strange, I suppose. Oh, and I also shove earthworms up my nose to retrieve good ideas from my brain. But everyone does that. Right?

Q: This is a little bit unrelated, but when you finally get your jet-pack, can I borrow it?
A: Yes. But don't get any chocolate on it.

Q: You blog on SparkNotes.com and on BN.com, what inspired you to start Laser Farm? Do you have any exciting segments planned?
A: I love working for SparkNotes and BN.com, but I was the only professional writer without his own Website. I needed a place where people can find and contact me. Plus, I like having the ability to write up whatever I want and post it whenever I want. In the coming weeks, I hope to get a pod cast up and running with a writer friend of mine. And there are some other fun things planned. 

Q: When you're not blogging, at your thinking lake, throwing Twilight books at walls or pretending to be at the airport, how do you spend your free time?
A: I'm an Olympic pole vault judge and part-time liar.

Q: What would be your advice to a new blogger who is just getting started?
A: Real Answer: You have to write every day. You can't expect to reach an audience if you just post once a month. Joke Answer: Shove worms up your nose to retrieve good ideas from your brain.

Q: Tell me about your set of "emotion pants." When do you wear them?
A: The jealousy pants are green. The angry pants are dark purple. The cranky pants are too tight. The happy slacks are denim. The sexy pants are really just a pair of shorts. And the drama pants smell like popcorn butter. I wear them at night.

Q: What would you do if you were confronted by an evil clown at Costco and it wanted to make platonic spaghetti with you?
A: That's a stupid question. My aunt doesn't even go to Costco and she's not evil, just misunderstood.
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There you have it, folks. If that wasn't awesome, I honestly don't know what is.  I would like to thank Dan Bergstien once again for agreeing to answer my eccentric questions. I would also like to thank the voices for providing me with the aforementioned questions.

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