5 Ways to Stay Unfocused

There are plenty of guides out there with tips on how to stay focused, but because my brain is upside down (it's a rare condition. IT'S NOT FUNNY), I'm going to do things a bit differently. If you do the opposite of everything in this post, you'll be the most focused person on the planet.*

Your status does NOT need to be updated twice a minute.
WE DON'T CARE IF YOU WANT A TACO!

1. SOCIAL NETWORKING

It really shouldn't be called "social networking", it should be called "social webweaving" or "web of iniquity". Social networking sites are designed to suck you in and trap you in a continuous cycle from one network to the other. You're on Twitter and your best friend tweets about her amazing trip to Italy and links to the pictures on facebook. You HAVE to check these pictures, of course, so you can run zit patrol and laugh in her face one you find one. You're laughing because "HAHAHA you were in Italy with a PUS FILLED MONSTROSITY ON YOUR FACE. Italy wasn't so great after all!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? *sob*"

Oh? That's just me? Er... never mind.

2. RESTLESS EATING

Don't you DARE try to pretend you don't know what I'm talking about. When you roam from fridge to pantry to freezer and back again, nibbling on food but never actually decided on what you WANT. This is a wonderful way to procrastinate. If any one asks you what you're doing you can get all hysterical and scream "DO YOU WANT ME TO STARVE?!?! WHAT? DO YOU THINK I'M FAT?" Also, this is a great way to actually get fat. You never really know how much you've eaten, what you've eaten, or how TWO Oreos could be an entire serving. There has to be a misprint.

3. MULTITASK

Look, despite what your parents, teachers, or imaginary friends might have told you, you aren't SUPERAMAZINGPERSON/RADIOACTIVECYBORG. You can't multi-task.  But don't take my word for it, try it for yourself! Try writing that english paper AND doing your calculus simultaneously.No, seriously. Do it. See what happens.

4. DAYDREAM

Some of you have no clue how to daydream properly. You actually have to prepare for this if you want to do it correctly. You have to have a plot for you dream and main and supporting characters. There must be radioactive turkeys or you're NOT DOING IT RIGHT! ( Don't try to tell me this is optional. IT ISN'T!)

5. DOODLE

Don't take notes during class. Instead draw funny pictures!! Look at the squirrel I drew during my statistics lecture!

Ain't it PURDY?????????

*I lied. You won't be the most focused person on the planet because everyone knows Chuck Norris is the most focused person on the planet. He's so focused, he can be surrounded by the entire cast of The Jersey Shore and STILL get his homework done...in five minutes.