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| Just. Say. No. |
You know what I hate? Crumbly muffins.
You know what I hate more than crumbly muffins? Eating crumbly muffins in public. It's so embarrassing. If you don't eat the muffin you look stupid. Who buys muffins and doesn't eat them? Plus it's a good muffin...except it's crumbly. What's wrong with crumbly muffins? You look like an idiot while you eat them.
Crumbs are flying and...uh-oh...you just missed your mouth AGAIN. Now there's a nice puddle of crumbly muffin on your lap. You try to dust it off, but instead those rebellious little buggers stick to your pants. Crumbly muffins have no manners and that's why I hate them.
ACK. Now it's on Boo Radley's keyboard. UGH.
You know what I hate more than eating crumbly muffins in public? Not updating my blog in 2 weeks. Speaking of what I hate...
There are a lot of articles out there covering how to deal with Facebook stalkers, but no one ever tells you what to do when FACEBOOK is stalking you. Not someone on Facebook, the actual social networking site is stalking you. You may say this is outrageous, but happens far more often than you would think.
Here's how to cope:
1. Burn your laptop.
It won't keep Facebook away, but it sure is fun.
2. Eat Crumbly Muffins in Public
No one, not even Facebook, wants to be seen with an idiot whose food always seems to miss their mouth.
3. Stop Changing Your Relationship Status every Two Days
You're making Facebook jealous. Making it jealous only makes it want you more.
4. Flex your Calve Muscles (on Fridays)
Because that's how the celebrities solve their problems.
5. Adopt Twin Capybaras
I don't know why. You just should.
6. Stop telling Facebook all Your Deep, Dark SECRETS
If you lead Facebook on, it will think it's behavior is okay. Besides, the rest of the world sees those deep, dark secrets too and we don't want to know that you STILL wet the bed...at 22.
7. Have a Stern Talk
This is a last resort. Only when things become truly terrible, do you talk to Facebook. If Facebook won't listen, then you should try eating a crumbly muffin WHILE giving it a stern talk.
Ultimately, there is no way to escape Facebook's claws of destruction. Yes, you may despair.
7 comments:
WOW.
Lol - has to be the funniest post! I agree with the crumbly muffin - I hate eating those things!!
Crumbly muffins. So good, yet so evil.
It seems like avoidance is the best way to, well, avoid being stalked by Facebook, but the way to cope with Facebook stalking is to despair of ever being able to cope with Facebook stalking?
Crumbly muffins should be smashed to crumbs...just not on your pants.
Would you say they're in the same league as cellulite? Or worse?
I don't know what the heck you just said, but I agree.
Wow I just starting cracking up Nicole =D this. was. the best!
Uh oh. Cracking? Do you need some super glue? I don't have any, but I just wondered.
And thank you! Glad you enjoyed it.
I love you Bill! xD Facebook sure resembles fingernails these days.
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